Category Archives: Just the (Health) Tip

Just the (Health) Tip: Celebrity Beauty Edition

“I keep a straw with me in my red wine bath for …well, you know.”

I love a good tip. Especially a healthy one that makes me think I’m prettier than I really am, like hot sperm facials (well, those I actually just do for the hell of it, not for beauty purposes). Anyways, BuzzFeed had a great post today entitled 8 Ridiculous Celebrity Beauty Treatments — And How You Can Do Them At Home that I thought I’d share with all you D-Nasters. They range from whacked-out EX-but still desperate-housewife, Teri Hatcher’s drunken red wine baths to Posh Spice’s sheep placenta facials. My favorite of the bunch is Demi Moore using leaches on her body to “detoxify” her blood. Hmmm, I wonder if she uses those suckers on her nipples? That’d get any bitch off good.

Check out the full cray-cray celeb health tip list here on BuzzFeed.

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Children’s Museum Sex Exhibit. Blame Canada.

The Museum of Science and Technology in Ottawa was forced to raise the age of admission to 16 in its new “tell-all” sex exhibit for kids. Seriously? Why wasn’t anything like this available to me as a kid in Jay, Maine? Damn, Canucks are always getting it right. Apparently the exhibit has both a “climax room” and wooden dildos. Geez! So how far’s Ottawa from Boston and who’s down for a road trip? Read all the details on this dirty little playpen via Gawker.

It’s just a lil sex-ed, ya’ll! It’s good for the health.

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Don’t use a tampon for your nose bleed. Use cocaine!

OMG, this is the BEST news article of the year… and it’s written so brilliantly:

“Cindy Davidson is good at sniffing out bargains, so when the Salt Lake City mom saw tampons on sale last Saturday, she didn’t exactly turn up her nose at a good deal.

However, inside the box, along with the tampons and the applicator was something extra: Cocaine.” -David Moye, The Huffington Post

This woman really hit the jackpot. I’m so jealous. Read the full news story for yourself and find out how one lucky menstruater got a lot more than she bargained for when she just needed something absorbent to battle Aunt Flo!

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Tanorexic. Party of 1.

Okay, I’ll admit that I’m all about having a healthy bronze glow. After all, I am a STAR and I love basking in the limelight (cue Miley Cyrus “Party in the USA” and video montage of me riding a beachcruiser in front of the Santa Monica pier). Oh, where was I? Oh right – so I just stumbled upon 40 photos of the creepiest, tannest woman I’ve ever seen. Seriously, if there are small children nearby, shield their eyes! Oh wait, there are small children nearby as she allegedly brought her fair-skinned 5 year old tanning with her. Allegedly.

Snooki doesn’t hold a candle to this crazy bitch! Eww! Wear your SPF kiddies! So dangerous.

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The Boston Marathon. What’s your drink of choice?

Well, it beats the beer shits.

The Boston Drinkathon is underway and many seasoned drinkers, having trained for months, are already halfway through their pub crawl to Copley Square. I like how there’s only 27,000 runners registered for the marathon, but there’s literally 800,000 people in downtown Boston getting shit-faced right now. Really shows you what our New England priorities are.  I actually decided to pace myself this year and have opted for a more runner-friendly drink like Grey Goose & Gatorade.

Sadly, this year’s insane 90 degree heat is already taking a toll on the runners. I’m just sitting here taking shooters and I’m already sweating in weird places. My wenis has never been so chaffed and irritated from overexertion before. Lifting all these drinks up to my face is super grueling work on my elbow.

Runners: Keep up the good work!

Drinkers: Stay hydrated.

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This is just CREEPY

Health tip of the day and NOT be CREEPY/DISGUSTING tip of the day … STOP DOING THIS!

This is absolutely ridiculous and disturbing on soooo many levels.  As a circumcised man myself (TMI? Oops. Oh well, it is MY blog after all.), I’m all for a clean/cut wee-wee (Don’t worry boys with hoodies, I love you too… D-Nast takes what he can get.), but Rabbis giving blowies to infants?  That’s just disgusting and wrong.  So…..why does this still happen?

I don’t mean to be insensitive to peoples’ religious beliefs … I’m all for marching to the beat of your own drum (I mean, look at me. I sing dirty pop song parodies about stuffing drugs in my butt.), but I just don’t think that having your Rabbi perform “ritual circumcision with oral suction” (quoted exactly from the article) on your child is a good a idea.  It’s a little sick.  Not to mention, that it’s straight up unhealthy especially since they seem to keep passing along herpes to newborns.

Anyways, read this article about the debate and how a recent New York newborn died from herpes and let me know what YOU think.

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Suzanne Somers loves to talk Poop

ThighMaster queen, Suzanne Somers, is concerned that you’re constipated and she wants it to stop. God bless her. Watch Daffy Duck-lips as she provides some uber-important information, via CafeMomStudios (a YouTube channel dedicated to topics that moms care about such as germs, school buses, and constipation. Bring a book.), on a “healthy brown poop.”

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Sleepy on the job? D-Nast’s tips for a better night’s sleep!

5.  No Red Bull or Four Loko after 9:00 PM no matter HOW hot he is. In fact, limit the use of these in general. Go for something a little more natural, like cocaine.

4. Never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, mix your prescripts with your recreationals. Unless it’s Friday… cuz then you’ve got at least two days to recover.

3. Always ask yourself, “Am I exercising enough to alleviate all my added stress and tension?” If yes, then take an Ambien and call it quits. If no, then remember you can never do too many kegels and squat thrusts. Give that chili-hole a good workout. An extra 200 before bed never hurt nobody. Just make sure to stretch first.

2.  I know that Viking Eric Northman is hot, but try not to watch too much TV, or use the computer too obsessively for porn, right before hitting the hay. Try the always relaxing (and boring) old past-time of reading. Nothing gets me more in the fetal position than reading about how Angelina emasculates Brad on a daily basis in what many call “our generation’s BIBLE,” US Weekly.

1.  D-Nast recommends some light background music to help you relax while trying to fall asleep. Boyz II Men is always a good choice. As well as this de-stressing gem.

If this all fails, just jerk it till you pass out.

Sweet dreams.

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“Party Workouts.” Can I get laid after?

I saw this interesting article today called, “Would You Like a Cocktail With that Workout?”  My brain instantly responded with a “Yes, please. Why that sounds great,” and I clicked on the link. It seems that in NYC (where all the cool things happen …damn them!) gyms are creating dance club-esque workouts so that heavy drinkers, like me, don’t have to choose between fitness (which I never choose) and happy hour.  I started the article as excited as could be thinking that if there’s anything that could get me to the gym it’s definitely labeled “Grey Goose” and mixed with some ginger beer and lime juice. However, to my dismay, no booze are actually involved in these workouts just something they call “antioxidant” shots. FUUUCK that! I mean, who’s gonna want to pound me unless they’re already half in the bag? I was hoping this would be a gym where you can take tequila shots of the trainer’s Efron-like abs and then after a hardcore grinding workout I could find somebody to pay to come home with me.

Ugh, I hate it when you get really excited for something only to be let down 30 seconds later. They should really not label articles with the word “cocktail” in them without the actual promise of an opportunity to get shit-wrecked.  In my angry state I’ve decided that I’m going to open my own gym in my private living room. A gym that allows me to drink a hipster-y IPA or two (or fuck, who am I kidding?) a 30 rack of Pabst Blue Ribbon while I pretend to roll around on my yoga bowl and instead play Words with Friends while channel surfing between E! and Bravo. Memberships start at $9.99 people. It’s a New Year’s special.

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Prescription Pills and Grapefruit, Anyone?

So I guess this means I shouldn’t continue my morning ritual of Ketel One, grapefruit juice, and a cocktail of prescription pills…

Too bad because it was really giving me that extra jolt I need to get my day started.  Looks like I’ll just switch to the American standard, orange juice, instead.

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