Week from hell people, but thankfully videos like this (and Vodka) exist to make all the pain go away. Watch some epic model fails below. To make it even funnier imagine it’s Tyra Banks every time. Never gets old.
He Is D-Nast
Oh so crass, he is D-Nast.
Category Archives: Tyra
Tyra Quote/Rewrite of the Day
“A tall, striking, lovely
womanlipstick lesbian with a round face andbrilliantslutty blue eyes burst through two swinging doors at the front of the room. Her legs made an upside-down, bowed-out U, as though she’d jumped off a horse after a longridefuck. Her arms were extended, as if she were still holdingthe reinsthe stallion’s Bojangles. She wore a (dykey) tool belt filled with bright, shiny copper knives, ladles, tongs, and spatulas, and a chef’s apron that had all kinds of food –cobs of corn, veggie sticks, bluecorn tortillasballs, and prawns still in their shells with the heads attached –stitched into the fabric.-Tyra Banks from her debut
novelfarce, Modelland.
“Ridiculously Photogenic Guy” from 10k Race Goes Viral.
25-year-old Zeddie Little of New York, ran a 10k race in Charleston, S.C. and one well-timed mid-race pic turned him into a viral phenomenon known as “Really Photogenic Guy.” Nearly 1.4 million people have viewed the picture in recent days on Flickr and it has been uploaded countless times to social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. Ugh, jealous!
Boy certainly knows how to find the light. Has he studied America’s Next Top Model as much as I have? Usually, my candid race photos look like a dying giraffe squirming to find water after just vomiting, and there’s at least a gallon of sweat waterfall-ing off my face at any given second. Zeddie looks fierce. Hopefully, he’s received the thousands of Facebook messages I’ve sent his sweet ass since this pic went viral. And hopefully he’ll take me up on that date sex offer. Do Me, Zeddie! Also, what kind of hair product do you use?
Tyra Quote/Rewrite of the Day
“Then
BravoEdward Cullen wannabe lightly pattedTookie’sTyra’s, hair clean of dust and gingerly plucked a piece of a small shard ofwoodcrystal rock stuck to her bottom lip. His thumb touched both of her lips, then entered her mouthjust a bitfor a good hour or so. He removed the last traces ofchipped woodbathtub speed, but his thumb lingered between her lips and made slight contact with her tongue. Tookie wanted to bite down hard on his hand to teach him a lesson to not touch her like that, but instead she closed her lips on his thumb, locking it inside her mouth, her body betraying her. She smelled him, a mixture of tree bark, sweat, andblood orangelow-grade Mexican mescaline, and felt the heat of his sweating body sail toward her. Her knees wobbled, her heart started to flutter, and she felt a warmth gush through hercoreyeast pouch.”-Tyra Banks,
from her debut novel, Modellandpretending she’s the writer of a Hunger Games/Twilight-style mega-hit.
Tyra Quote/Rewrite of the Day
Tyra Banks IS the next great American novelist. And here’s why (with some additional D-Nast edits):
“Another group of Mannecants rolled in a much larger cart full of every kind of purse imaginable. Studded
clutchesdildos, hobo-chic (Mary-Kate and Ashley) bags, drawstring styles, quilted ones with sparkling chain straps, antique leather satchels, rare over-the-shoulder treasures. The Mannecants wentdowndown on the row of girls like a factory assembly line, placingthe pursestheir tongues across the girls’ bodies, shoving them into their hands and onto theirshouldersgrundels. Tookie ended up with a snazzy black nylon backpack; a short-handled, boxy purse made of stiff but fine leather; and …. aDreamDrug Bag! The very same yellow tote Zarpessa had, the one all the girls atB3Betty Ford Clinic envied!”-Tyra Banks, from her debut
novelfarce, Modelland.
“Dylan planted her feet. ‘Honey chile, I just been invaded by bacteria, sliced and diced by earrings, stabbed by a monster needle, and had my head imprisoned inside a bubble. I’m not goin’ in there until I know what that whacked-out place is.’”
-Tyra Banks, from her debut novel, Modelland.
(Obviously, Dylan is talking about Tyra’s vajayjay.)
P.S. No rewrites were needed for this quote. Tyra had struck gold with this one.
Tyra Quote/Rewrite of the Day
Tyra quote/re-write of the day
“Tookie remained very still. He licked his thumb and then brought it to her
eyebrownostril, slowly smoothing the unruly hairs down as he smiled into hermismatchedgoogly eyes. Tookie stared deeply into his caramel ones, and her knees felt like they would buckle. She sensed a gentle burning inside herstomachcoslopus, and herhipslips felt like they were being tickled, even though Bravo’s hands were nowhere near them. Bravo put his hand on the side of Tookie’s face. The warmth from it felt likesweet teacottage cheese pouring into her mouth. He whispered straight into her ear, his lips brushing against herearlobecauliflower cluster.”-Tyra Banks, from her debut novel,
ModellandCrazy Made-Up Shit.
“The De La Creme women did smell; all the Pilgrims smelled like a Peppertown sewer on its foulest of days. The body odor had gotten worse because of the intense
physical laborRichard Simmons workout they had all endured recently. Creamy had created her own mountainmonarchymoonshine after the group had elevated her to the position ofsecret weaponBritish Prime Minister to get them to Modelland.”-Tyra Banks, from her debut
novelcrazy made-up fairytale, Modelland.
Tyra Quote/Re-write of the Day
“And then, thwap! More garments shot out of the Scout’s
fingersbeaver: a one-shouldered, bias-cut burnt-orangechemisecoke ring, a maroon eelskin jacket with severeshoulder padsrug burn, a fire-engine-red felt porkpiehatpunani, a pair of metal-studded heather-grayankle bootsdildos. It was like they were in a zero gravitydepartment storeThai sex shop.”-Tyra, from her debut
novelautobiography, Modelland.
Tyra Quote/Re-write of the day!
“Through the mesh wall of the pouch,
TookieTyra saw a bear-cave-sized hole and peaked in. Sticky, pasty gunk with peach fuzz was lodged inside. She frowned. ‘I think we’re insidean EARa vajayjay!’”-Modelland, the debut novel by Tyra Banks.
