Week from hell people, but thankfully videos like this (and Vodka) exist to make all the pain go away. Watch some epic model fails below. To make it even funnier imagine it’s Tyra Banks every time. Never gets old.
“A tall, striking, lovely
womanlipstick lesbian with a round face and brilliantslutty blue eyes burst through two swinging doors at the front of the room. Her legs made an upside-down, bowed-out U, as though she’d jumped off a horse after a long ridefuck. Her arms were extended, as if she were still holding the reinsthe stallion’s Bojangles. She wore a (dykey) tool belt filled with bright, shiny copper knives, ladles, tongs, and spatulas, and a chef’s apron that had all kinds of food –cobs of corn, veggie sticks, blue corn tortillasballs, and prawns still in their shells with the heads attached –stitched into the fabric.
25-year-old Zeddie Little of New York, ran a 10k race in Charleston, S.C. and one well-timed mid-race pic turned him into a viral phenomenon known as “Really Photogenic Guy.” Nearly 1.4 million people have viewed the picture in recent days on Flickr and it has been uploaded countless times to social media sites like Facebook and Twitter. Ugh, jealous!
Boy certainly knows how to find the light. Has he studied America’s Next Top Model as much as I have? Usually, my candid race photos look like a dying giraffe squirming to find water after just vomiting, and there’s at least a gallon of sweat waterfall-ing off my face at any given second. Zeddie looks fierce. Hopefully, he’s received the thousands of Facebook messages I’ve sent his sweet ass since this pic went viral. And hopefully he’ll take me up on that
date sex offer. Do Me, Zeddie! Also, what kind of hair product do you use?
BravoEdward Cullen wannabe lightly patted Tookie’sTyra’s, hair clean of dust and gingerly plucked a piece of a small shard of woodcrystal rock stuck to her bottom lip. His thumb touched both of her lips, then entered her mouth just a bitfor a good hour or so. He removed the last traces of chipped woodbathtub speed, but his thumb lingered between her lips and made slight contact with her tongue. Tookie wanted to bite down hard on his hand to teach him a lesson to not touch her like that, but instead she closed her lips on his thumb, locking it inside her mouth, her body betraying her. She smelled him, a mixture of tree bark, sweat, and blood orangelow-grade Mexican mescaline, and felt the heat of his sweating body sail toward her. Her knees wobbled, her heart started to flutter, and she felt a warmth gush through her coreyeast pouch.”
from her debut novel, Modellandpretending she’s the writer of a Hunger Games/Twilight-style mega-hit.
Tyra Banks IS the next great American novelist. And here’s why (with some additional D-Nast edits):
“Another group of Mannecants rolled in a much larger cart full of every kind of purse imaginable. Studded
clutchesdildos, hobo-chic (Mary-Kate and Ashley) bags, drawstring styles, quilted ones with sparkling chain straps, antique leather satchels, rare over-the-shoulder treasures. The Mannecants went downdown on the row of girls like a factory assembly line, placing the pursestheir tongues across the girls’ bodies, shoving them into their hands and onto their shouldersgrundels. Tookie ended up with a snazzy black nylon backpack; a short-handled, boxy purse made of stiff but fine leather; and …. a DreamDrug Bag! The very same yellow tote Zarpessa had, the one all the girls at B3Betty Ford Clinic envied!”
-Tyra Banks, from her debut
“Tookie remained very still. He licked his thumb and then brought it to her
eyebrownostril, slowly smoothing the unruly hairs down as he smiled into her mismatchedgoogly eyes. Tookie stared deeply into his caramel ones, and her knees felt like they would buckle. She sensed a gentle burning inside her stomachcoslopus, and her hipslips felt like they were being tickled, even though Bravo’s hands were nowhere near them. Bravo put his hand on the side of Tookie’s face. The warmth from it felt like sweet teacottage cheese pouring into her mouth. He whispered straight into her ear, his lips brushing against her earlobecauliflower cluster.”
-Tyra Banks, from her debut novel,
ModellandCrazy Made-Up Shit.