He Is D-Nast

5.  No Red Bull or Four Loko after 9:00 PM no matter HOW hot he is. In fact, limit the use of these in general. Go for something a little more natural, like cocaine.

4. Never, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, mix your prescripts with your recreationals. Unless it’s Friday… cuz then you’ve got at least two days to recover.

3. Always ask yourself, “Am I exercising enough to alleviate all my added stress and tension?” If yes, then take an Ambien and call it quits. If no, then remember you can never do too many kegels and squat thrusts. Give that chili-hole a good workout. An extra 200 before bed never hurt nobody. Just make sure to stretch first.

2.  I know that Viking Eric Northman is hot, but try not to watch too much TV, or use the computer too obsessively for porn, right before hitting the hay. Try the always relaxing (and boring) old past-time of reading. Nothing gets me more in the fetal position than reading about how Angelina emasculates Brad on a daily basis in what many call “our generation’s BIBLE,” US Weekly.

1.  D-Nast recommends some light background music to help you relax while trying to fall asleep. Boyz II Men is always a good choice. As well as this de-stressing gem.

If this all fails, just jerk it till you pass out.

Sweet dreams.