Thank god for 11 year-old singer/songwriter Harper Gruzins from Texas. My ears have never been so happy and I’ve never felt more pride for my country.
Take a listen to her lovely interesting hair-splitting rendition of our National Anthem. Your ears will not regret it. Maybe.
Listen now as Harper Gruzins destroys the National Anthem.
There are no words. Just listen.
Well, it beats the beer shits.
The Boston Drinkathon is underway and many seasoned drinkers, having trained for months, are already halfway through their pub crawl to Copley Square. I like how there’s only 27,000 runners registered for the marathon, but there’s literally 800,000 people in downtown Boston getting shit-faced right now. Really shows you what our New England priorities are. I actually decided to pace myself this year and have opted for a more runner-friendly drink like Grey Goose & Gatorade.
Sadly, this year’s insane 90 degree heat is already taking a toll on the runners. I’m just sitting here taking shooters and I’m already sweating in weird places. My wenis has never been so chaffed and irritated from overexertion before. Lifting all these drinks up to my face is super grueling work on my elbow.
Runners: Keep up the good work!
Drinkers: Stay hydrated.
That’s right. The college basketball tournaments are here and my crotch couldn’t be happier. Little D-Nast is ready to watch some balls rim the hoop. Apart from the hunky young men running around with their dongs flopping around in shorts, I actually really do enjoy March Madness. I completed my bracket today and have North Carolina going all the way this year with me in the back seat of a bus (train-style).
I love any excuse to gamble. The first year I completed a bracket I actually won. I based all my picks on the attractiveness level of each school playing. Best hundred bucks I ever did earn. This year I thought I’d mix things up a bit. I decided to divide each team’s average height by three, then times that number by their average shoe size to guesstimate the most well-endowed team. Team with the biggest dong average wins. Mmmh! Let the madness begin.
