D-Nast was in Chicago recently and besides spending most of my time eating deep dish pizza and some deep dish ass in Boystown, I couldn’t help but notice how funny most of the boats of Chi-town were. Check out some of my inappropriate favs below.
There was the seadog (aka Daddy’s favorite little juicer, the sem-dog).
The Anita Dee II (You know what? I NEED a D too! I do! I’d love to S a big old D right about now).
And lastly, there was the sad little river cruiser with the arrow sign saying “Welcome, American Girls.” (Date rape’s this way ladies, hop right on!) P.S. Aren’t we in America?
All aboard the sem-dog! Where a little erection goes a long way.
I need a D too. For sucking.
Welcome American sluts …. to the sketchiest rape train you’ve ever been aboard.
Pam Ann (everyone’s favorite air-hostess/bitch), courtesy of Out Magazine, gave us just the advice we needed for our Memorial Day gay adventures. I suggest you follow her top ten traveling tips as well:
10. Only pack a carry on. C’mon gays, you don’t need five pairs of Gucci Toe Thongs and 14 Tom Ford crocodile hot pants—despite what you read in Out magazine.
9. If you are traveling with kids, don’t forget to pack Xanax for their milk. Or better yet, leave them at home. They ruin everything.
8. It’s OK to masturbate quietly in your seat but, for goodness sake, do not yell: “It’s going to blow!” when you’re about to release. That kind of talk scares passengers.
Yay! Provincetown tomorrow… and it’s Baby Dyke Weekend. Hopefully, I won’t be too shit-faced to update ya’ll on how many lesbian fights I see. Fingers crossed that I’m involved in one of them (for dramatic purposes, of course.)
To get a better idea of what P-town’s like, watch below (The maid, ChoCha, is the best part.)
Sorry faithful 2,000 9 readers that I’ve been MIA for a few days… I completely blacked out in Vegas and ended my trip with an annual stomach pumping (I wish. That’s an easy 10 pounds lost right there!)
Anyways, the main point of this final Vegas post, is to let you know that the next time you’re in Sin City, absolutely DO NOT go see Holly Madison in Peep Show! OH MY GOD was that shit awful. And coming from me that says A LOT because, let’s be honest, I looove my fair share of crap (New York Minute. Anyone?). This show was beyond beyond beyond even comically terrible (Glitter). First of all, Holly Madison didn’t do anything (besides show her tits and her jelly ass). She’s maybe in a total of 14 minutes of the entire 90 minute production and even during those few brief scenes she has no songs, doesn’t dance, and has about 4 lines (that I believe were just pre-recorded and broadcast via loud speakers). She literally stands there and looks dumb. Shows her tits and looks dumb. The rest of the show tries to be a Disney movie meets campy, cult-classic Showgirls (which the gay network, Logo, is brilliantly playing on repeat for 24 hours today in honor of April Fool’s Day. Shake it Jessie Spano.) meets a Mamma Mia-style musical all while telling childhood nursery rhymes (Little Miss Muffet) and singing d-list songs from 2003 and 2004 (such as this J. Lo shit-gem). Amongst all this, the show tries to have a story, and that story is pretty much just Holly Madison as a slutty a single gal (Who would’ve thought?) trying to find a hot daddy to fuck her. To sum it all up, just don’t go.
But do enjoy some of these photo highlights from my trip!
Gleefully sitting on the Stratosphere. Up and down. Up and down. Up and sideways?
Almost bought this T-shirt.
Vegas sells the BEST anal beads I’ve ever seen.
I made time to molest plenty of Do Mes. Daddy, yes.
Big sunglasses and I still can’t hide those crow’s feet!
And back in Boston, I returned to this sweet pussy. Don’t let the angel face fool you.
Omg, this chick cracks me up! What a Sttuuuupid Beeeeeeetch. I really really really want to be her friend. Watch her try to figure out how long it will take you to travel 80 miles if you’re driving 80 miles per hour. I wonder if her tires were fully pumped how long it’d take her to tie her shoes. Check out the hilarity for yourselves.
P.S. This guy obviously didn’t marry her for her brains … can you say …titties.
Update: Obvs, this vid is no longer available. Grrrr, I’m so sick of users removing their videos from YouTube. Apparently, the “stupid betch” didn’t like everyone knowing that she’s a stupid betch. Honey, you can’t hide it, so why bother?
Pam Ann
